New Moon Wellness Retreats co-founder, Monique Goss, took to her Instagram in the lead up to International Women's Day to address the ever growing conversation of consent.
After sitting with a questionable consent experience of her own for over a year, Goss described her all too familiar 'booty call' account to her followers.
"I've been wanting to post this for a while and with #internationalwomensday on Friday it's more appropriate than ever. "
She shares her story,
"Over a year ago I invited a guy around for essentially a booty call type scenario (which was a norm) late on a Friday night. Once he got to my house I realised that he was far more under the influence than I had anticipated. Powerlessly, I felt like I couldn't ask him to leave after already suggesting he should come over. Things panned out the way they usually did, though I just couldn't 'get into it'. Then a second time. Then a third. By this stage I had entirely retreated into a mental fog of not knowing what to do. Not once did I say no, however not once had I said yes. Nor even shown signs of wanting more."
She then directly speaks to the male in question,
"You even apologised the next day to me for being "a bit rough" but you'd "had fun." I said it was "all good." "
Drawing from her experience as an osteopath and yoga instructor she questions why there are different standards between her professional and her personal experience.
"Every single day I have to ask my clients time and time again for their #consent to touch them, move them a certain way, talk to them about certain topics and at any point in our interaction they have a chance to opt out, no questions asked. Yet I rarely feel the same empowerment in my personal life. Isn't it fucked that we live in a world where consent is often implied yes until explicitly stated NO? I had no idea how hard forming those two little letters could be until they just would. not. come. out. I'm not alone."
Think about it... "Everybody's experience is different and mine is entirely unique to me. People can't read minds, but what people can do is ask. And this goes beyond intimacy. If only a handful of you have reached the end of this I encourage you to PLEASE ASK. When hugging a child, when touching someone's hair, when assisting a person in need, when dancing with someone at a festival, when sharing a photo of someone online, when touching a pregnant belly. Never assume. I can only hope our daughters will grow up in a world where they won't have to say #metoo. Consent matters. #consentisthenewblack #askyes "
Monique says she thought about posting this for quite a while and when she finally did she avoided opening the Instagram app for a couple of hours because of the anxiety she felt when finally publishing it. The amount of support she got was hugely appreciated. "A lot of women (and men) got in contact after I posted it; phone calls, texts, DM's, comments, some just checking in with me but sadly many women confessing to having had similar experiences. I just want women to know they aren't alone. We as a society need to start holding people accountable for their actions. I'm definitely guilty of not being perfect when it comes to consent but I'm learning. It's hard to speak honestly and publicly but International Women's Day offers the perfect platform to speak up about feminine issues."
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